Day 19 – November 19, 2018

 

Diarrheapocalypse!!!

 

Oh boy, did I mess up!

 

Having finished the potato famine this week, I decided on Saturday to try something new.  I went to the store in the morning and bought all manner of vegetables.  This resulted in a couple things:

 

First of all, I concluded that I HATE grocery shopping.  I have a cleaning lady named Sherry, and she is wonderful, but when she comes to clean, sometimes she “helps” by putting things away where she thinks they go.  After she comes, I spend the next week finding my things,  It’s very frustrating.

 

Well grocery shopping is like that, but on a much larger scale.  You basically have to go into the store and guess where someone else would think things go.  It took forever to find all the things I needed for my dinner, and I was very frustrated at the end of it.

 

Second, though, I took home my purchases and set to cooking my first post-potato meal.  I made a vegetarian chili consisting of kidney beans, garbonzo beans, black beans, bell peppers, carrots, celery, tomatoes, and a sweet potato, plus some seasonings (no salt, of course).  I set it in the crock pot and let it cook all day.  While it was cooking, I decided to try corn.  I had two ears of boiled, plain corn, and they were fantastic.  Corn by itself is so flavorful.  Of course, it would have been better covered in butter and salt, but even by itself it felt like an indulgence.

Anyway, once my meal was finished, I sat down to eat my first non-potato feast in more than 2 weeks.  It was FANTASTIC!  It seemed like the tastiest thing I have ever eaten.  It was sweet and rich in flavor and very filling.  I added some tobacco sauce (which, should probably be spelled Tabasco to avoid confusion — tobacco sauce would be extra yucky) for some extra punch, and I ate two huge bowls for dinner, then a third right before bed.  I ate more than I have eaten in weeks.

Important plot point.  Let’s rewind a bit.  Over the past two-and-a-half weeks, I had experienced only one bowel movement.  It was starting to become uncomfortable, so to try to keep things moving along, I took some gentle laxatives.  I had been taking 3 lax pills each morning since Friday.

 

Fast forward to Sunday, after church I ate another two bowls of this chili stew, loaded with tasty Tabasco sauce, and full of all kinds of beans and whole vegetables.  Nothing else notable happened until this morning (Monday) right after my morning weigh-in.  I was in bed, catching an episode of She-Ra on Netflix before heading to the office, when I heard the sound of hoofbeats – my stomach cramped up, my bowels started feeling liquid, I started to pass horrible gas, three of the horsemen were here.  But even with all that forewarning, the time had not arrived.  But as soon as I got to the office, and all of a sudden my body told me it was time …the Diarrheapocalypse had come!

 

I ran to the men’s room and found that Clint (the office gremlin who makes a mess in the men’s room) had already abused my favorite stall, and the alternate stall was full.  I ran to the stairs, taking them three at a time and went into the men’s room on the 40th floor.  There I found an acceptable spot…and it happened.  Nearly two weeks’ worth of …excretion that I had been saving, including the 5 bowls of heavy-fiber vegetable stew came exploding out.  And then it kept coming.  I must have spent 45 minutes in the men’s room, passing bout after bout of explosive gas coupled with streaming liquid feces.  It was constant and it was LOUD – as soon as I felt I was done, another wave would come.  Someone even knocked on the door to ask if I was ok.  It was like that scene in Austin Powers

 

I survived, of course, and I feel much much better.  The men’s room on the 40th floor of my building now contains only a smoking, steaming crater where the toilet once sat, a tribute to its sacrifice during the Diarrheapocalypse!   I also learned need to be careful about what I eat.  I plan to continue to make stews and similar dishes occasionally, though I think I will still be mostly on potatoes and other plain veggies for a while.

 

Looking at my numbers, they went in the wrong direction.  However, I haven’t measured since the Diarrheapocalypse happened, and so I suspect they have to have gone down since I expelled half my body weight this morning.  At the weigh in, I was exactly the same weight as last Friday, but I suspect tomorrow I will easily be back on track.

 

 

Date November 17, 2018 November 18, 2018 November 19, 2018
Day 17 18 19
Weight 271 271.8 271.2
To Go 71 71.8 71.2
Body Fat 33.7% 33.9% 33.7%
Muscle Mass 33.1% 33.9% 33.7%
Water Weight 49.6% 49.4% 49.6%
BMI 34.8 34.9 34.8
Blood Pressure Not measured Not measured Not measured
Pulse Not measured Not measured Not measured
Girth Not measured Not measured Not measured

 

 

In the Scriptures, I continue to read through the war chapters.  I read Alma 47-50.  My biggest takeaway was in Alma 50, where Mormon writes that this was the happiest time for the Nephites.  It was a time of war and peril, yet because the people were living righteously, they had peace and happiness.  This shows us that people can be happy and have the peace of Jesus Christ regardless of their circumstances.  So often we hear people wanting the happiness first, almost as the creature in Frankenstein who said “Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous.”  Yet this just isn’t how it works.

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